I'm a hazard to myself, don't let me get me

So last Tuesday I was talking with some coworkers about how I've never been to the emergency room. No broken bones, no stitches, nothing. Their first reaction was that I haven't truly lived, but I have scars to prove I have. The next reaction was to be impressed. "I mean, you're really clumsy, aren't you?"

Indeed I am. I set out to prove that that night. I was opening a door and got my thumb caught in the door handle, which produced this little beauty:


Two minutes later I was crossing my legs and kicked the bottom of the chair next to me, which produced another bruise that didn't photograph well. I also managed to trip over my laptop cord, pulling it off the desk (luckily it's still working properly...).

Basically, when I do end up in the emergency room, it's gonna be good.

A Realization

I am Elizabeth Bennett. Almost everybody's here: Jane, Charlotte, Mr. Collins. Wickham and Lydia have made themselves very apparent recently. I just need one more:


In the words of Ali: 6 feet tall, 6 figures please.

Maybe I'm not but you're all I got left to believe in

...Don't give up on me, I'm about to come alive.

The voices are at it still. They all say give up now. Even the internal one when it's being honest. I have cried and yelled and pushed myself to exhaustion and the answer is still the same. And I hate it.

So please understand that my make-believe ending--the one that I know deep down is not true--is what's keeping me sane right now. Don't take that away from me.

i just do what the voices tell me to

So a lot of people have been giving me advice recently. I'm not complaining--their advice comes out of love, and in most cases, I have asked for it directly. But now their contradictions and cross-examinations are buzzing around my head. I'm inclined to give some bits of advice more creedence than others, but if I get any more (and I know I will), the voices may just start to take over.

However, it has occurred to me that there is one source that will always be right. He always has my best interests at heart, and He definitely knows what he's doing. And so long as I'm not out on some street corner hawking my wares, I know that I'm not really going to screw up my life.

Everything turns out all right in the end. If it's not all right, it's not the end.