I'm a hazard to myself, don't let me get me

So last Tuesday I was talking with some coworkers about how I've never been to the emergency room. No broken bones, no stitches, nothing. Their first reaction was that I haven't truly lived, but I have scars to prove I have. The next reaction was to be impressed. "I mean, you're really clumsy, aren't you?"

Indeed I am. I set out to prove that that night. I was opening a door and got my thumb caught in the door handle, which produced this little beauty:


Two minutes later I was crossing my legs and kicked the bottom of the chair next to me, which produced another bruise that didn't photograph well. I also managed to trip over my laptop cord, pulling it off the desk (luckily it's still working properly...).

Basically, when I do end up in the emergency room, it's gonna be good.

A Realization

I am Elizabeth Bennett. Almost everybody's here: Jane, Charlotte, Mr. Collins. Wickham and Lydia have made themselves very apparent recently. I just need one more:


In the words of Ali: 6 feet tall, 6 figures please.

Maybe I'm not but you're all I got left to believe in

...Don't give up on me, I'm about to come alive.

The voices are at it still. They all say give up now. Even the internal one when it's being honest. I have cried and yelled and pushed myself to exhaustion and the answer is still the same. And I hate it.

So please understand that my make-believe ending--the one that I know deep down is not true--is what's keeping me sane right now. Don't take that away from me.

i just do what the voices tell me to

So a lot of people have been giving me advice recently. I'm not complaining--their advice comes out of love, and in most cases, I have asked for it directly. But now their contradictions and cross-examinations are buzzing around my head. I'm inclined to give some bits of advice more creedence than others, but if I get any more (and I know I will), the voices may just start to take over.

However, it has occurred to me that there is one source that will always be right. He always has my best interests at heart, and He definitely knows what he's doing. And so long as I'm not out on some street corner hawking my wares, I know that I'm not really going to screw up my life.

Everything turns out all right in the end. If it's not all right, it's not the end.

Dear boys again,

Thank you.

Cars should come with owner's manuals. Oh wait...

So when I got back from Christmas, my car's battery was dead. The nice man from AAA explained that car batteries were not meant to last 6 years and replaced it for me.

Two weeks later, the fog lights turned on without me actually turning them on. While I was driving, while the car was parked, even after I shut them off they turned on again. Not wanting to kill yet another battery, I pulled the fuse until I could get it in to a mechanic.

The mechanic at the dealership explained that I needed a new switch, whatever that means, and that it would be about $350. I was expecting that, so no big deal. However, when he returned to tell me my car was ready, he also told me that I needed new brakes (and a new caliper and rotors). For $780, he could do that too. Luckily for me, he had to order in the caliper, so I didn't say yes right away. As he brought my car back to me, he said, "Didn't you see the brake light?"

Okay, so that light has been on for at least a year. However, I just assumed that the sensor was broken and ignored it. After this conversation I looked in the owner's manual and it turns out that light being on means you should have your brakes checked as soon as possible. Who knew?

$780 was still a lot of money, so I got a second opinion. Good thing I did, because I was able to get new brakes and rotors for $400 less. Hooray for helpful friends and family who told me I was getting ripped off and helped me find another mechanic.

So now I have spent nearly $1,000 on my car this year. And it's not even February yet.

Dear boys,

I don't care that you say you're emotionally stunted/socially retarded/whatever other crap excuse you're using today. Grow up, deal with it, and start dating.